My Dear Children,
It is not how I wanted the day to end. I did not want to send you all to bed in sheer exhaustion of the day. I did not want you to go to bed knowing that I was angry and frustrated by everything. I did want you to know that I don’t hold you all entirely responsible for how the day went; however, please note the use of the word “entirely”. You see, for several days now I have been staying up way past midnight, burning the late night candle as well as taking care of the newest sibling you all so enjoy at random breaks. Why am I doing this? I am doing my very best to get the next year school curriculum all prepared and scheduled out. Is this so important, you might wonder. I’ll be honest, I have read and heard several articles and podcasts stressing the fact that you all need a well rested and refreshed mother for the day. I know this is true. However, I spent the day not in my own little corner preparing this but spent the day with you: listening to your minecraft adventures (even though I am learning quickly to despise the game), hearing about your battlefield adventures and you charged the enemy with Gen. Jackson and the Stonewall brigade, and participating in helping you put out the fires of your barn during a drought season.
You may think that I should have been more relaxed in my approach to homeschooling, and I am sure you would be somewhat right, but let me explain: I am the planner mom. You know this, for we have shared many a afternoon and late night planning together our week and laughing about the things that didn’t get done for three weeks in a row. I can’t be the mom that can fly by the seat of her maxi-skirts. I need a plan all laid out in detail. It’s like a road map. They show you the best and most efficient way to reach your destination. Along the journey, you may make pit stops and take back roads as they come up, but you still have that map to show you the way in which to get right back on track and arrive to your destination. Sometimes your destination may change and you can re-route your way, but you still have that map. That is my goal. That is my method in planning. It is why, night after night, I sit and work into vague detail a “map” of our homeschool year. If I didn’t, we would have many a lost journey and end up places that maybe be unwise to enter; not every road is worth taking and exploring.
So, my dear ones, do not assume that I do not like you, or that I am angry with you. But forgive me and be patient with me. Just as I lay all these out knowing that I am helping you in your journey of learning, I too am on my own journey of learning to be a good mom and teacher. I have not graduated yet. I am not a A+ student. But I hope I am diligent in doing my best knowing that I expect the same from you.
I love you.